Sunday, January 15, 2012

don't fear. have faith.

As i got ready for bed and brushed my teeth in my bathroom, i looked in the mirror and paused for a moment. I felt something odd... something was about to happen that i needed to pay attention to. I thought about what i felt a little more as i stared into the mirror and then continued to brush my teeth.

I pulled my hair up, wiped my face clean and slid into my soon-to-be warm bed forgetting what i had felt earlier.

As i lay there in my bed, I pondered all the things that happened that day that were worth remembering... not even noticing how fast i started to fall asleep, and soon began to feel peaceful inside (which i am sure we all do when we are about to fall into that deep sleep). Eyes zipped shut for the night as darkness came along with its vivid dreams. A screaming nightmare awaited me.
I was sitting on my front lawn picking fresh pieces of bright green grass. The feel in the air was so still and perfect. I looked up to my right to see Madeline running up the hill with refreshing sky-blue popsicles in each hand. We laughed and talked about stubborn yet attractive boys along with what swimming suit we wanted to buy. Everything seemed so fine. My mom ran out the door with fear in her eyes pleading for me to come inside. Madeline and I looked at each other with fear not knowing what was yet to come.

Running inside following my mom to the room where our T.V. sat, the news was red to me. Blood and death seemed to be written over it. Terrorists, tornadoes, volcanoes, hurricanes... everything was happening.. IT was happening. I ran back outside to see the sky black and orange. The mountain side was on fire, neighbors were panting and calling out their families names, the ones they loved. No no no no no... this can't be happening... I'm not ready.. this can't be the second coming - theres still so much to do.

I screamed out to my mom, and i heard no reply. There was so much panic going on outside with destruction everywhere that i could barely hear myself crying out. I ran back inside looking everywhere for my mom, my sweet mother. Once i put my foot on the first step to look upstairs, the floor began to shake. earthquake. But i still had to find my mom! I ran upstairs struggling to find my balance and looked back to see my house crumbling. I didn't have time. I looked back upstairs to see my mom laying on the floor with a pillar of wood from the roof on top of her.. trapping her. Everything went silent. I watched my mom die in a panicked world.


I woke up at the bottom of my bed with tears in my eyes. Subconsciously i knew it was a dream.. but i had to assure myself. I ran into my parents room to see if my mom was still there. I opened the door and saw her sleeping peacefully as if nothing even happened. I fell to my knees and rolled against the wall and sobbed. What if that was real. What if today or tomorrow.. Christ came. would I be ready? Knowing the fear i felt... i know that i am not ready. When I think of the second coming, i feel excitement and fear at the same time. Excitement because i can finally see Christ! But fear... because i don't know if i am ready. So today i have been finding ways for me to overcome my fear.  

"And now i speak unto all the ends of the earth - that if the day cometh that the power and gifts of God shall be done away among you, it shall be  because of unbelief."
Moroni 10:24
"Yea, come into Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, and then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God."
Moroni 10:32

Prayer, reading my scriptures, paying FULL tithing, repentance, becoming constantly close to the spirit.. There are so many things we can be doing to gain a faith that everything will be okay. Gaining a testimony of faith is key. Without faith, there is nothing. I know that if we turn to Christ, and i mean our heart and mind, then Christ will wrap his love around us and we will not fear, we cannot fear if we are righteous and in the presence of God... i know it to be true. 

Sincerely, Ashlyn

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

casual day turned upside down.

casual morning. woke up at 6:30. got in the shower. got ready. went to school.

casual day of school. went to first period. talked to friends. joked around. laughed. 

casual second period. came to learn psychology. laughed.

until that casual day was flipped upside down. 

I don't know who you are, but for some reason... i feel like i do. I wish i could have met you. I wish i could have met you before you took your own life this morning. When i heard the announcement from my teacher reading the horrifying news, i couldn't help but cry for you.

I couldn't stand the thought of what you must have felt... feeling SO alone to the point where living on and thinking of all you would have to face, gave you doubt and exhaustion. I couldn't help but think that you were surrounded by so many people yet.. you were so alone. I couldn't stand thinking of how you were so strong, to come this far, yet... going further then you've come overwhelmed you.

I can't do much, i probably couldn't have done anything knowing i never met or saw you. But i can pray for you.. What is my prayer you may ask?

my prayer.. is that if you never felt the love here on earth that you deserved... i pray that Heavenly Father will show it to you more than you could ever imagine possible. He loves you. Trust him. Everything will be okay. I promise. 

We have a mission. Heavenly Father has an incredible love for everyone of us, and it's THAT love that we need to help people see and most importantly, feel. Anything is possible.. with God. I hear that all the time and sometimes it comes in one ear and goes out the other - but think about it.. ANYTHING. if you are going through a trial, well... with God, we can get through it, it's absolutely possible. we may not know the outcome or how much strength will be expected of us... but if we hold to Him, He will give us that strength that we need, He will help you through with His love and in certain ways you never thought possible.

that fear overcame your faith... and that fear overcame you this morning.

I love you so much, whoever you are. and I guess from how i feel.. you could say... you've turned my casual day upside down...

Sincerely, Ashlyn

Monday, January 9, 2012

what to do when you're sick.

i woke up on saturday with a high fever (102 to be exact). Ever since that unpleasant morning.. I've been keeping myself busy with sad activities, and when i say sad, i mean pointless.

1. I wrote a letter to my sickness (Fevero i call him). It actually felt really good. You know how there is that ONE person that gets on your nerves and people tell you to write out your frustration on a paper? well... i did that.. odd? nah:)

2. Sleep. oh. this was nice

3. Take ugly pictures of yourself. You know you don't look good when you're sick.. so be proud of it, be vain and take model shots i mean, isn't that what models look like now'a days?

4. hmm.. this is all i did over the weekend while i was sick.. i can't think of anything else.

Sincerely, Ashlyn