Monday, August 26, 2013

My mama

Two years ago today, I was transferred to the ER by ambulance due to illness and an emotionally overwhelmed body. As I reflect back to the moments I laid in hospital room, I see flashes of blue walls, cords strapped to my body, beeping monitors, worried faces of family members and friends, and nurses meticulously putting IV's and needles in my arm. The word "fear" seemed to be written across my view any time I opened my eyes. As confusion, fear, the demanding voices of the doctors and tears flooded my head - I felt my mothers perfect hands wrap around my left hand and softly said, "Ashlyn, I love you. Everything will be okay."

Those are the exact hands that I held on to when I was learning to walk, the exact hands helped me up when I fell as a child, the exact hands that wiped away my tears in my most desperate moments, the exact hands that made me dinner every night, the exact hands that would put my hair into a French-braid before I left for elementary school. My mother's hands are healing hands.

My mother and I sat down to talk for a few hours yesterday as we contemplated trials, health, and all the things we were grateful for. Towards the end of our sweet and teary discussion, she came and sat next to me wrapping her arm around me pulling me in and kissing my forehead. As she slipped her healing hand on mine, she said, "Ashlyn, I love you. I always have and always will. Everything will be okay." In that very moment, I was able to catch a glimpse of the joys that an eternal family brings - I felt a love that I have never felt before. My mother is my guardian angel and has always always been there to rescue me from the stormiest of times. I have been sitting here for ten minutes staring at the blinking cursor trying to put my love for my mother into words - it is nearly impossible. I am forever in her debt for everything that she has done for me - all the lessons taught, smiles, laughs, testimonies born, friendship strengthened... I could go on. Mother, I have a testimony that you were put into my life for a reason. Of all the gifts Heavenly Father has been so generous to bestow upon me, you are truly one of the greatest.

I love you mama!

Sincerely, Ashlyn

Friday, August 16, 2013

Dear Benson,

You rested your head on my chest and I instantly felt like I was the most blessed aunt in the world. Here I had spent the whole day working, running errands, dealing with an exhausted body from the lack of sleep I got the night before, pulling hairs out of my head with each new "to-do" that came on to my list, and stressing over packing and moving all in one night. That's when your precious little figure crawled into my room with the biggest smile on your face reminding me "that it will all be okay." I picked you up and held you close. I started making animal sounds and sounds of my own that would make me look like a fool if I didn't have a baby right in front of me - but, it made you laugh and that's what mattered. I started humming Beauty and the Beast songs while swaying you back and forth. That's when you fell silent and rested your precious head against my chest.

How lucky am I to have this precious little man be a reminder of the good in life in a moment I needed it? Even though these moments were short-lived due to the fact that my moving-boxes were calling my name, the feelings carried on with me the rest of the night. Thank you sweet child of God:)

Sincerely, Ashlyn

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

a happy day indeed.

you didnt know we were taking the longer trip home - but i'm glad you did. i didnt mind being in the car with you just a couple minutes longer.

As we drove along in the night listening to music, talking, and laughing... something happened that i will never forget. I was so incredibly touched that i had to look out the window hoping you wouldnt see the tear that fell from my eye.

I had just brought up the topic of "my hand" and you looked at me as if you knew something i didnt. You looked at me with your smile and said, "Ashlyn, when i saw that picture of you and your hands... well, i have never seen a more beautful picture. You are so beautiful." Thats when looked out the window wondering how i was so lucky to have met you.

there was something sweet about the way you called me beautiful. something sweet i have never felt before. thank you for everything.

Sincerely, Ashlyn