Monday, September 26, 2011

now im here.

funny how fast life comes at you.. isn't it?

It's as if two days ago it was my first day of Seventh grade where I walked into the Junior High with LOCKERS and, oh.. BOYS!..

Its as if yesterday i got my drivers license! - i grabbed the car keys as soon as i got home from the Driving Department and ran out to my car, turned it on, drove off, and blasted my music with the windows rolled down and enjoyed my life to its fullest form...

Now I'm here.

Lots has happened since "yesterday," the day i got my license... heartbreak and sorrow, awards, student council, going to the hospital, health complications, a taste of lasting pure happiness.. I've had it all. 

But, now I'm here.. 

I feel too young to be writing a missionary. I feel too young to be applying to the college that i know I'm going to get in to. I feel too young to be looking for apartments in a whole different state. I feel to young to have been asked by a 22 year old man, to kiss me and for me to have to reject him... I feel to young for anything because now I'm here realizing that life is completely turning upside down into its reality form and it won't change back. I cant go back - its not what i want. I want a new life, a new me! 

because... now I'm here.. with anywhere and everywhere to go - but the past..

Sincerely, Ashlyn

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

happy as ever.. as forever ever.

My life is just tremendously marvelous right now! I wake up in the morning early enough to watch the sun rise over the horizon and early enough to say my prayers - what a great way to start the day right? I feel like a new woman walking on her own catwalk to happiness with a smile every step of the way. I feel clean! I feel new! I feel fresh! Life is so good in so many ways... sometimes we forget to be thankful for every happy moment we have. For example, my friend Tiffanie talked to me today at lunch - AMAZING!! I am so thankful that i even have a friend - some people don't have any friends and could walk around the whole school during the 45 minute lunch with no one saying a word to them - not even a smile or a grin. And today... someone brightened up my day just by saying hi to me. See how amazing life is? I could go on forever about all the wonderful things that have happened to me in the past hour! Let me start with one...

Because of how sick i have been lately... we decided to go to the doctor and find out what the heck is wrong with me. After ten minutes of me explaining to him what has happened to me in the past couple weeks - he concluded that my adrenal glands are failing along with a couple of other scary things... no blood tests, brain tests.. whatever.. NOTHING! He prescribed me some more medications that would just add to my collection of 13 other pills. yay:) - well, my mom and I had that gut-feeling that something wasn't right, that there was something that we needed to find... so we decided to take it to another doctor. Being in this doctor's environment felt so right... I prayed to myself that he would find what was wrong with me and that he would know what to do. As i listened to him explain some things to me, it all felt so right! He wanted to find out what was wrong with me and he wanted to see the facts instead of just assuming that since i have a head ache, that my adrenal glands are failing. So, we had 7 blood tests taken from me and it concluded as follows: I am not allergic to gluten (I'm not even close to being allergic!), i do have hashimottos disease, i do not have to take 16 medications... That is why i havebeen so sick - because loading my body with treatments when my body needs absolutely none of it. My body has been rejecting everything that i have been doing - thinking that im making myself better when i was really hurting myself the whole time! I even cut out a huge part of nutrition just to twist thing up more... But now.. what a wonderful life i have! If only i had only realized it sooner. I am just the happiest person in the world right now... I can finally live.. not just because I can eat bread, but because I see so much happiness and joy in my life - I see possibilities and an amazing future ahead of me. I have learned to live where my life isn't revolved around thoughts of worry and pain. I can live my life to its full extent... Life.. is.. good..

Sincerely, Ashlyn