casual day turned upside down.

casual morning. woke up at 6:30. got in the shower. got ready. went to school.

casual day of school. went to first period. talked to friends. joked around. laughed. 

casual second period. came to learn psychology. laughed.

until that casual day was flipped upside down. 

I don't know who you are, but for some reason... i feel like i do. I wish i could have met you. I wish i could have met you before you took your own life this morning. When i heard the announcement from my teacher reading the horrifying news, i couldn't help but cry for you.

I couldn't stand the thought of what you must have felt... feeling SO alone to the point where living on and thinking of all you would have to face, gave you doubt and exhaustion. I couldn't help but think that you were surrounded by so many people yet.. you were so alone. I couldn't stand thinking of how you were so strong, to come this far, yet... going further then you've come overwhelmed you.

I can't do much, i probably couldn't have done anything knowing i never met or saw you. But i can pray for you.. What is my prayer you may ask?

my prayer.. is that if you never felt the love here on earth that you deserved... i pray that Heavenly Father will show it to you more than you could ever imagine possible. He loves you. Trust him. Everything will be okay. I promise. 

We have a mission. Heavenly Father has an incredible love for everyone of us, and it's THAT love that we need to help people see and most importantly, feel. Anything is possible.. with God. I hear that all the time and sometimes it comes in one ear and goes out the other - but think about it.. ANYTHING. if you are going through a trial, well... with God, we can get through it, it's absolutely possible. we may not know the outcome or how much strength will be expected of us... but if we hold to Him, He will give us that strength that we need, He will help you through with His love and in certain ways you never thought possible.

that fear overcame your faith... and that fear overcame you this morning.

I love you so much, whoever you are. and I guess from how i feel.. you could say... you've turned my casual day upside down...

Sincerely, Ashlyn

what to do when you're sick.

i woke up on saturday with a high fever (102 to be exact). Ever since that unpleasant morning.. I've been keeping myself busy with sad activities, and when i say sad, i mean pointless.

1. I wrote a letter to my sickness (Fevero i call him). It actually felt really good. You know how there is that ONE person that gets on your nerves and people tell you to write out your frustration on a paper? well... i did that.. odd? nah:)

2. Sleep. oh. this was nice

3. Take ugly pictures of yourself. You know you don't look good when you're sick.. so be proud of it, be vain and take model shots i mean, isn't that what models look like now'a days?

4. hmm.. this is all i did over the weekend while i was sick.. i can't think of anything else.

Sincerely, Ashlyn

a friend worth noting.

MADELINE MARIE ASHCRAFT

(we even have the same middle name!)

Lets just say that Madeline, is my inspiration. She is always there to help me and she is ALWAYS there to make sure i am happy. 

Last week i was feeling so sick - Madeline calls me offering anything she could do to make my sickness more at ease. When i walked in her house, her family cried out "Ashlyn's here, everyone quite!!" - she even had her family keep quite so i could be more relaxed:) she made me hot chocolate, she set up a movie for me, she gave me a popsicle, she listened to me when i complained about my pain. This isn't just this week... this is every week and day where she makes sure that I'm doing okay... its something i need. She is my friend... my best friend. 

When Madeline an I were about 8 years old, we would make promises to each other to play the next day. When it became obvious that we were playing with each other every day anyways.... we ended up promising to play with each other every day for the rest of our lives... 

i would say.. we are pretty close. 

When i was shaking on the floor about to go to the hospital, Madeline held my hand through it all. When i cleared my mind and realized what was going on, i turned to the paramedic and told him that i can't leave her... she's my sister. she has to come to the hospital with me. 

Madeline helps me remember who i am when i have forgotten. I come to her for advice because i know she will tell me the truth... the truth i can't get myself to admit. Madeline helps me with everything; homework, family, friends, boys, when I'm sick, cleans my room and car when its a total disaster, if i miss school - she goes to my classes to get all the work i missed without me asking, she wants me to come with her to a friends house even though i don't know anyone there (awkward, but hey.. it means a lot), I'll ask her if i look okay and she's honest.. she does everything for me and asks for nothing in return. I could never ask for someone better. I sometimes wonder where i would be without her. I will go to Madeline for help almost everyday and i know i can count on her for the right advice - she is so close to the Spirit and she knows whats right and wrong and isn't afraid to stand up for her standards and what she believes in.  

Thank you Madeline... for everything.

Sincerely, Ashlyn

i just haven't met you yet

In a couple of weeks, my amazing brother will be getting married to the most perfect girl. 

I love watching the way he treats her and how in love they are... The way they forget that people are talking to them as they gaze into each others eyes with such happiness and peace all round them. I know that they have both waited 27 years for the right reason and for that reason, they will be eternally grateful as they make scared covenants in the right place, at the right time, and by the right authority:)

As i watch my older siblings get married in the temple, i see their happiness in the choices they have made throughout their life and i know that it is very well worth it. It is well worth it to be morally clean, it is well worth it to not become addicted to pornography or any other substance that is harmful to my body, it is well worth it to sacrifice my time to read the scriptures everyday and to say my daily prayers so that i will have the Spirit with me in situations where Satan could destroy my hopes and dreams of eternal life or eternal marriage... It will be so, very worth it.. to have gone through all the trials i have gone through and one day i will see them as a favor of the Lord, showing and helping me onto the path of righteousness and eternity.

I hope with all my heart, that as i prepare myself for the temple... that my husband (whoever it might be) is doing the same. That he is seeing girls as righteous Daughters of Heavenly Father and treating them with care, love, and respect as the Savior would.

I hope that EVERY guy out there realizes that whatever girl they encounter, she is a Daughter of God. Heavenly Father counts our tears... he sheds the tears we cry because he cares and loves every one of us. 

I can't wait to be married in the temple, for all time.. and eternity:) To the perfect, loving husband at the right time, in the right place and by the right authority.. i just haven't met you yet:)

...

With one condition... our honeymoon MUST be in Venice, Italy.

Sincerely, Ashlyn